Last week marked the triumphant return for Canuxploitation Super-8 oddity THINGS to both DVD and holy-goddamn-shit VHS (courtesy of Mondo Video). And in light of both the digital upgrade and analog downgrade releases, we thought we’d offer an additional bonus via another unsuspecting format for our treasured readers & collectors.

If you’ve already got your greasy pizza fingers all over the brand-new Intervision DVD, you’ve probably made your way through the ‘audio viewing party with The Cinefamily‘ – and if you haven’t, you’re seriously missing out on a hilariously entertaining experience featuring the residual effects of THINGS on real seasoned cinephiles – where one first-timer present on the track remarks how he had only known of THINGS from it’s ringtone. Ringtone? Yes, it’s true. For a period of time, we THINGS-ites through various email chains were circulating homemade ‘THINGTONES’ sourced from star Barry J. Gillis’ basement ADR tapes which feature various homicidal rantings looped by severe dime store delay pedal action. Sadly, these recordings remained on the cutting room floor and we never used in the final film. But, now they are forever preserved for a new era of THINGS-ites and all seven are available here for free! Pick it up, maybe Barry J. Gillis is calling…

DOWNLOAD THINGTONES HERE

For iPhoners, all you need to do is drag the extracted files into iTunes and sync your phone. Then the ringtones will be selectable in your ‘sound’ settings folder on your phone.

“AN ANTI-HUMAN MASTERPIECE…
Satanism. Disembowelment. Sexual assault. A particularly notorious segment appears to have actually been shot in Hell. There’s zero doubt that Olaf Ittenbach was destined to either make this film or rape wolves.”-Zack Carlson, editor/author of DESTROY ALL MOVIES!!!

“When the Germans make a horror movie,” says Mr. Beaks of Ain’t It CoolNews, “THEY MAKE A F%*#ING HORROR MOVIE!” In 1992, writer/director/special effects master Olaf Ittenbach changed the face of video horror, force-fed its ripped-out eyeballs to screaming audiences, then used a drill, machete and shotgun on its still-twitching torso: Ittenbach himself stars as a degenerate junkie who babysits his young sister with two bedtime stories of the damned. First, an escaped serial killer turns date night into a graphic family massacre. Then a country priest on a rape and murder spree leads to a disturbingly explicit descent into Hell. It became the VHS that shocked America. It has been banned in its Motherland for nearly 20 years. And it remains perhaps the most violent and depraved shot-on-video saga in history. This is THE BURNING MOON.

See this trailer on the upcoming THINGS release, out of DVD on July 12th. THE BURNING MOON is coming this fall from Intervision Picture Corp.  In the meantime, read this edition of VICE Magazine’s movie club which featured THE BURNING MOON. Aaaaaaahhhh!!!

Continuing this blog series dedicated to the oddly compelling world of our July 12th release, we hope to fire-off some of our favorite moments here on out from ‘Canuxploitation’ shot-on-Super 8 oddity THINGS. Don’t worry about plot spoilers, these choice scenes could come from anywhere within the THINGS-verse. Beginning with this head-scratching scene above, which contains perhaps the most bizarre reaction shot in cinema history, our heroes discover one of the many hatched “things” in the creepy cabin’s bathroom where our boozy/cheese sandwichy story takes place. I’ll say no more. Please leave a comment below with YOUR reaction.

Previous entries in the “On The Road To THINGS” blog series includes Barry J. Gillis and Andrew Jordan’s investor reel for EVIL ISLAND and Gillis’ vintage Canadian TV appearances promoting THINGS. Also, the THINGS DVD is now available for pre-order on Amazon – get psyched!

Nearing the end of the 1980′s, in a time when bizarro-hounds and unsuspecting browsers could rent a VHS copy of Andrew Jordan and Barry Gillis’ homemade horror opus in video stores across North America, the THINGS creators found themselves bored once again. However, the experience of filming an entire feature on consumer Super 8 cameras had rendered them fatigued and getting another 90min project off the ground seemed like a daunting task.  Although inspired, Jordan and Gillis, with help from many of the THINGS crew members, began work on an investor reel for a feature titled EVIL ISLAND (above).

Immediately, a raucous voice-over kicks in with that familiar jarring THINGS-atitude which guides the viewer through what EVIL ISLAND’s story might be like given the desired $1,000,000 budget. EVIL ISLAND stars Barry J. Gillis as Barry J. Gillis, an Alcatraz escapee who left the woman of his dreams behind (?) – and now he’s back (??). Assuming then that Barry must fight off some evil force to escape…EVIL ISLAND! Some Casio high-hats now occupy the shrill high-end and then we burst into some wicked bedroom analog delay pedal action – something we’ll examine more thoroughly in the weeks to come. And this is how it ends… For better or worse, EVIL ISLAND was never made into a feature and following the completion of this reel, Gillis began work on his subsequent film WICKED WORLD, which wasn’t completed until 2009. WICKED WORLD is available on Amazon Instant Video for those who are curious.

This reel and more can be found on the upcoming July 12th release of THINGS. With this “On The Road To THINGS” series we hope to expose some of the extras which will be included on the disc and pay tribute to the weird and wonderful world of Jordan/Gillis.

Following SLEDGEHAMMER, director David A. Prior went on to helm some of the wackiest gonzo action films of the ’80s, including the holy zenith of them all: 1987′s DEADLY PREY. Starring Prior’s baby-oiled manimal* brother Ted, DEADLY PREY is about a group of former U.S. mercenaries trained by a ruthless military officer to hunt down and kill people they abduct off the streets of Los Angeles – and oh-sweet-jesus do they finally meet their match when their latest victim turns out to be tough gung-ho ‘Nam vet Prior. Despite being unarmed, the warpaint adorned and Daisy Duke jean short-clad Prior decimates each of the mercenaries with a ferocious Ultimate-Warrioritude one by one in gruesome arm-ripping detail.

David A. Prior has now teamed up again with brother Ted and DEADLY PREY co-star David Campbell to raise funds for the long-awaited sequel DEADLY PREY 2: THE DEADLIEST PREY via Kickstarter. Above see the teaser trailer created by our friends at Everything Is Terrible. Please pledge what you can!

Aaaaand… Austinites can check a rare VHS screening of DEADLY PREY at the Alamo Drafthouse on June 12th! *In the description of this event is where the origin of “baby-oiled manimal” can be found.

THINGS is the quintessential basement horror film and if you’ve endured it, you are most definitely aware of its low-budget charms and transcendent surrealism. At first glance the film seems supremely crude and amateurish, but beneath it’s oozing façade lies a sincere mediation on suburban boredom. From scene one, THINGS takes you back to the time you and your middle shool metal friends toyed in the backyard with ketchup and retractable knives. But did you make it to 90mins with Uncle Ned’s camcorder? Did you post-dub the dialog? And sell the home video rights to Mel Lieberman? Co-Directors Barry Gillis and Andrew Jordan did. And they got the film distributed throughout North America, scored a cameo performance from then adult film star Amber Lynn and landed two(!) major local network news interviews (as seen above).

In the upcoming the special edition DVD (in-stores everywhere on July 12th), Co-Director Andrew Jordan says, “THINGS really isn’t a horror film, it’s a post-modern film about filmmaking.” Now let that sink for second. Ok. That might sound preposterous, but really, if you’ve seen the film and digested it, it mostly really is! THINGS is the cinematic process of two metal friends who bonded in the horror VHS era (many of which were banned in Ontario at the time), having fun drinking beers, referencing George Romero and LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and splashing blood, slime and red and blue lighting schemes around Mom’s house. That compounded with its chronic technical clumsiness, THINGS plummets blissfully into Intervision’s outsider cult cinema canon. Now, enjoy Co-Director/Co-Producer/Co-Writer/Star Barry J. Gillis’ one of two television appearances promoting THINGS. Note: Chyrons were added to the TV spot later by Gillis and Jordan.

Have a great holiday weekend everybody!

by Dan Budnik of Bleeding Skull

If you have a child, you’re going to need a handy closet. Somewhere where you can place your child when you have romantic trysts. I don’t want to argue semantics over “whether or not something is sexy enough for me”. What I want to know is “Have you planned on where you’re going to hide your kid when ‘He’ comes over or when the two of you go out to the middle of nowhere?”. Because, honestly, if you’re doing the latter, you should consider not bringing the child. But if a babysitter is just not available, then you need a closet. And, if that closet contains the ancient spirit of a murderous something-or-other, well, at least your child will have someone to talk too.

I think that the Mom in Sledgehammer is too pushy with her child. Make a game of it! Look…You want to be sexy. There’s a tall, thin fella who wants to engage Sexy with you. Why not say “Hey, Tommy? Mommy put some Chicken Soft Tacos in the back of the closet! They’re all yours if you eat them (with Del Scorcho Sauce) quietly for the next hour.” More subtle, more civilized. You don’t want to make the 50 mile drive to the house an uncomfortable one. Trust me. You want fun. Tall, thin Charlie wants fun. Tommy wants a chicken soft taco and some fun.

OK, so you’ve locked him in the closet and then you’ve been murdered. The child stays locked in and, eventually, he dies, decays and his spirit becomes subsumed into the Everlasting Evil that exists at the foundation of the house. Then, what do you do? Chicken soft tacos won’t help you now. Let’s jump ahead in the movie, shall we?
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